I've never denied it. In fact, I flaunt it. I'm addicted. Crackhead addicted. To Soccer Babes. I can't get enough of them. So now I've decided to expand my addiction. Fuck it. Life is short. Enjoy my Futbol Hotties from Argentina!
I'll be in Argentina if anyone needs me.
Happy Sunday fellow Hottie Hunters. Yes its Sunday. And Sundays, in America we watch Football. Playoff fucking NFL football. But who says we can't enjoy the other Futbol? That sport that the rest of the world goes batshit crazy over has some of the hottest Hotties this side of a field goal. So with my return, I again bring to you some serious Soccer Hottieness. Enjoy -
In America, we call this talent. The kind of talent that we Americans would marry. And worship.
Bodypainting is the newest and hottest Hottie trend. From Ireland to Germany, Hotties everywhere are trashing their clothes and opting for a "natural" look.
Now I don't know what's hotter than Hotties touching each other. Maybe Hotties touching each other in just the right way?
Once again, the power of touch. Its a damn underrated sense. I should know. I always cop a feel.
Speak softly and carry a big stick. And she can hold a big stick with ease.
The Hottie Hunter is a stylish cat. Somewhere between Hugh Hefner and James Bond stylish. So its mandatory that I go out in style. Enjoy my blaze of glory. I am the fucking King of Hottie Hunting. Recognize fool.
Good day fellow Hottie Hunters. Shall we start the week off on the right foot? You know, that foot they use to kick around that ball the rest of the world dare calls a futbol? I'm sure this has been done to death by now, but Soccer Hotties are immortal. This species of Hottie resides on nearly every continent and flourishes during Futbol games, during which is the height of the mating season for the Futbol Hotties. So let's take a closer look at this intriguing species in her own habitat:
Notice how the futbol Hotties have evolved over time to overtake their closest competitor for male attention? When quizzed on their preference, 100% of males reported that they would choose a six-pack of Futbol Hotties over a six-pack of their favorite beer.
This Futbol Hottie has perfected her man-catching skills. See how she beckons the unsuspecting males through her display of team dominance above her mammary glands?
Credit to http://www.bastardly.com/ for the above pictured killer Hotties.
Here is yet another aggressive mating display by a futbol Hottie. This one utilizes the male's weakness for nipples and large oral orifices.
Research has proven that the Argentinian sub-species of Futbol Hottie has perfected the male mating call.
Brasilian Futbol Hotties rely on entirely different methods of attaining a suitable mate. This Hottie subtly draws attention to her cleavage while promising "just one peek" at the goods before the male is unwittingly seduced. In the Hottie world, Brasilian Hotties are the equivalent of the Great White Shark, a ferocious predator that sits atop the food chain.
German Hotties utilize a "peacocking" method of attracting males. This Hottie proudly displays her country's colors while subliminally broadcasting her love for Futbol. The male viewer is captivated by the size of her dirty pillows.
Once again, a fine display of evolution. This Hottie offers an open mouth and sizable milk jugs for the interested male. The use of "Ballack" as a space further serves to enhance her compatability with the drunken hooligan.
Some nations are taking steps to preserve their Hottie habitats, including the acquisition of nuclear arms to deter any would-be mating competitors. This Futbol Hottie has the ability to spark an international crisis, and thus her male dominated nation has taken steps to suppress the overt mating displays. Is it preservation or suppression of freedom? You be the judge.
This is the newest adaptation that Futbol Hotties have implemented. Following the peacocking display, the Hottie offers not only a possible nipple-slip, but also blows a kiss to a possible mate. As other males take notice, competition for this Hottie grows violent.
A simple, yet astonishingly effective method of attracting a mate: Place random object in mouth and suck. Males imagine those beautiful eyes in compromising positions. Instant erection.
Peacocking has taken over all over the world as the preferred method of capturing male attention. Add a smile and a peek at her stomach and men everywhere melt.
A rare sight, this Portuguese Hottie has come out of Hottie hiding to offer this simple, yet extremely seductive, pose. Male Futbol fans cannot resist the amazing naval display.
Hotties have been known to attract mates in pairs, or in this case, threesomes. Apparently, males respond better to the potential of mating with more than one woman. At the same time.
These doublemint twins proudly display their "two for one" offering. South Korean males riot in an attempt to take advantage of the sale.
Utilizing the country's flag as a skirt is a unique, but ingenious method of attracting attention. Notice how she sports the daisy dukes under the flag to emphasize her virility.
The Swiss have long been known to house some of the most aesthetically pleasing Hotties on the planet. Unfortunately, over the years, competition has increased from Hotties around the world and the Swiss Hotties have been nearly forgotten. This Hottie rekindles the flame, offering a beautiful bikini top with goodies inside and, of course, an open mouth, or, as the Hottie Hunter likes to call it: the open door policy.
Of course no analysis in Hottie posturing would be complete without the time-tested "Hottie Kiss." This method has proven to be the most resilient and effective method is causing instant male idiocy and violence. Hotties everywhere utilize this on a daily basis to literally cause male incapacitation. Some males have been lucky enought to participate. Bastards.
Credit to The Infidel for these great shots. Hottie Hunting is made possible through this type of hard work.
Soccer. A sport that no red blooded, buck shooting, pickup trucking, wife beating American would be caught dead playing. Uh, how do you say in America? Bitch, where's my beer? Monday night football is on!
Well, I say f*ck that! I'm officially hopping on the soccer wagon and riding it straight into some eastern european poon! Why, you ask? Just see below for a world class match of epic proportions. Watch how the team trains tirelessly, stretching and bending in preparation. Notice the fearless gameplay, participants willing to lose life and limb in order to win. No gentleman, this isn't just a black and white game. This is FUTBOL!!!!
